Football club names are as important as the club itself as it stands as a means of identification and branding, a sense of belonging for fans.
Generally, football clubs are named after the city they are based or the owner, sometimes companies and in the new world of sponsorship deals and partnerships, clubs are now named by the companies they have dealt with.
The City of Manchester is more famous for its two rival clubs in the EPL, same for FC Barcelona and the rivals in the capital city of Madrid which houses Atletico and Real Madrid.
Also, Red Bull, an energy drink manufacturing company has clubs in Germany (RB Leipzig), Austria (RB Salzburg), Brazil (RB Brasil), etc, to show how deep sponsorship deals have gone in club identification.
In Nigeria, the case is not different as clubs are majorly named after States and cities, due to the non-existence of sponsorship deals in the league, private clubs are majorly named after their proprietors or cities based and most recently clubs are getting owned by churches thus leading to clubs named after churches.
However, amidst some pretty cool names like some names that would make you stop and think again and sometimes spark a smile and once in a while, short laughter. The State Finals of the Aiteo Cup held across the country brought up names which makes one wonder the level of creativity or the nonexistence of it while considering names of a football club.
Here we take a look at some of the funniest football club names in Nigeria
- Box to Box FC
Yes, you saw that right, Box to Box FC, understandable that the FA permits club owners to use any names they prefer without any laid down guidelines or rules but this sounds like a name coined out of disinterest to think deep in creating a name for a football club.
“Basically football is played from your box to the opponent’s box in search of a goal, it’s a box to box game“- this is me trying to imagine the explanation whoever coined the name will try to give if probed. Or maybe he was staring at a pack of boxes while thinking of a name- who knows?! *Shrugs*
More interestingly, they literally and practically “boxed” MFM FC in the Lagos State FA Cup final clinching the title with a 2-1 victory. I don’t know which is more interesting, the nature of their victory or the nature of their name!
- Qutar Waters
Location: Borno State
Now this name sounds like a country or more logical, the name of a River in Borno (I wonder if there is any at all) then the only other meaningful explanation I could give to this after serious research is that maybe it’s actually a “pure-–” sorry, Sachet water company that owns and runs the club.
Other than that, I wonder what else it could mean, maybe a trip to Borno will shed more light on this name, however as i have a busy schedule the trip will be postponed until “further” notice. Thank you.
- Confine FC
Location: Ikot Ekpene, Akwa Ibom
Level: Nationwide League One
Seriously? Confine FC? Ok good, according to an online dictionary “Confine” means “To restrict; to keep within bounds; to shut or keep in a limited space or area”.
This Got me wondering if the person who named the football Club was “Grounded” or in a police cell while naming the club. Ikot FC would have been better, isn’t it? Whose with me?
- Rarara FC
Level: Nigeria National League
Rarara what? Okay “Rarara” in Yoruba is roughly translated to “No No No“, used to show the refusal of a suggestion, of all the names on the list, this seems to be the least creative of all, I mean the owner basically repeated two letters twice, he could as well have repeated the letters 7 times.
I guess it’s beyond my understanding of the logic behind picking this as a club name. I wonder what Rarara means in Hausa or Igbo. A similar name is Malumfashi FC but the fact that it is named after a local government in Katsina state saves it from further backlash but then for the sake of broadcasters who may bite their tongues while attempting a pronunciation, they should have done better with the naming.
- Go Round FC
Location: Omoku (River)
You never thought NPFL club sides would have their tables shaken, did you? But anyone ever wondered what made a certain club owner name his team “Go Round“, I wonder what he means by the statement “Go Round”, who he is directing to move in circles and what he should go round?
Oops my bad, actually forgotten that “Go Round” is now a noun.
- God Deliver Me Bible Church Fc
This is a club side that could turn a sports show to a religious program without fuss. In as much as the football club is owned by a church, there are better options that would still show a hint of the religious owner. This sounds more like a prayer point than a name.
At least there are alternative short religious names that can be used, e.g “Saints FC“, remember Welsh League Champions The New Saints“(TNS), however, God Deliver Me when abbreviated is still as awkward as ever and not as awesome as (TNS), pronounce GDMBC interesting isn’t it?
It’s not limited to Nigeria, ever find West Bromwich Albion easy to pronounce? Stoke City? Dundee United sounds like a team of retards in Nigeria. “Always Ready FC” in Bolivia; Every team should always be ready to play football so it is therefore sensible to have it as your team name as well as a mantra.
In Zimbabwe there is a football club named Triangle FC as well as Chicken Inn; Unsurprisingly, this club is named after its sponsor, a fast-food chain. But money buys success, and the club became national champions in 2015
Naughty Boys; I really don’t know how the naming process works for Botswanan football teams but I imagine for this team it went something on the lines of, “you are a boisterous lot, therefore you will be called naughty boys”?
Hafnarfjordur FC is a club you would not want to call without the fear of biting your tongue.
Any other funny named football club, home or abroad that you know drop it in the comments section.
Gregoire Akcelrod: The Fake Footballer Who Conned Elite Clubs
Akcelrod managed to fool an elite European club into believing he was a real player, A fake footballer has told the story of how he convinced a Champions League club to offer him a £15,000 per week contract.
At 10 years old, the Frenchman was like any young boy with a dream. The only problem was he was terrible at football. His own father thought he was so bad that he banished him from playing out of pure embarrassment.
Recalling his first memory of football, Paris-born Akcelrod told mail: ‘
I played my first game in front of my father at 10 years old. It was like the Champions League final for me.
‘We played against a good team and we lost 4-0. When we were in the car on the way back he said, “Greg, I am so upset. You are so bad. You are so lazy. I don’t want to see you anymore on a football pitch.”
‘I was shocked. Being with my friends on the football pitch was the best time of my week.’
Between the age of 10 and 18, Akcelrod was banned from playing football due to his lack of ability. The youngster only ever played in his garden but still never gave up the dream of playing professional football – mainly as he wanted to prove his dismissive father wrong.
One day at school, an idea struck – Akcelrod created a fake website that claimed he was a professional player playing for PSG’s reserves.
He would copy and paste match reports from the L’Equipe newspaper and took out the name of the star striker – such as Nicolas Anelka – and replaced it with his own.
The information wasn’t a complete lie – Akclerod was playing for PSG – but for the club’s amateur side in the bottom tier of French football – a level which he himself describes as ‘the worst in France’.
The 38-year-old claimed:
‘You can be Cristiano Ronaldo in the fifth team and nobody watches you. Nobody watched me at PSG because it was just for “kick and run” players.’
At this point, Akcelrod had been cut off by his affluent family for choosing football over a proper education and career.
At 19, the Frenchman, whose grandmother inherited a fortune from Oscar-winning actor Maurice Chevalier after a 15-year marriage, was working in McDonald’s and living in a small studio flat in France.
As part of the facade, Akcelrod even went to the effort of sneaking onto the PSG pitch one day to take ‘official’ photos of him in full PSG kit. His website and CV were then sent to some of the biggest clubs in England.
Chelsea, Manchester City, and Arsenal turned him down, but second-tier side Swindon Town gave him a shot in the summer of 2003.
It was one of two occasions where the player trialed with the Robins.
‘On the first day of the trial I was so unfit physically and tactically I was lost,’ Akcelrod recalled.
‘In the practice game, the goalkeeper hit a long ball, I tried to head it but it hit me square in the face. Everybody laughed.’
The Frenchman wasn’t selected for the second day of the trial but still turned up at the County Ground for the other players’ practice match in front of the fans.
Irrespective of his talent, Akcelrod’s persistence was noted and manager Andy King gave him a second chance by giving him 20 minutes in a practice game. But no contract was offered – his first day at the trial had done enough damage.
There were offers amid the rejections too. Professional clubs in Luxembourg offered Akcelrod a contract but the Frenchman turned them down – they were too ‘small’ for him.
But the right offer nearly came in the summer of 2009, when Akcelrod was asked to train at Bulgarian side CSKA Sofia, who had just qualified for the Champions League.
Convinced he was a PSG reserve team player, CSKA offered him a three-year contract worth £15,000-a-month – but an unfortunate series of events involving the club’s supporters saw the Bulgarian side spot the striker’s problem.
Akcelrod recalls: ‘
I did the two-day trial and on Sunday the coach told my agent that he wanted to sign me.
‘They took photos of my in the CKSA official jersey, I signed the contract, they published on the CSKA website that I was signing.
‘But it was the PSG fans who destroyed me. Overnight, one CSKA Sofia fan contacted a PSG online forum and asked, “We are about to sign Greg Akcelrod, what do you think about him?”
‘All the PSG fans didn’t know me. They said I was fake, they checked my website. But some of it was true, the video at Swindon for example.
‘The CSKA fan contacted every journalist in Sofia and it was revealed the club were going to sign a fake player.’
When Akcelrod came down for breakfast on Monday morning, nobody from CSKA wanted to know him anymore and he was asked to head back to France.
The Frenchman had other trials in Greece, Kuwait, and Canada and a year playing for Mississauga Eagles in the top Canadian division was enough for him to finish his story.
Akcelrod is not the first prankster to fool a top football club. The most famous example is Ali Dia back in the 1990s, who fooled Southampton and manager Graeme Souness into agreeing on a one-month deal.
Dia signed for the Saints in 1996 after Souness was contacted by someone claiming to be World Player of the Year George Weah. He recommended that Southampton sign his ‘cousin’ Dia, who had allegedly played and scored for PSG and Senegal.
Dia featured in one five-a-side trial and the next day faced Leeds United in a 2-0 defeat. He never made a second appearance for Southampton.
15 Funniest Names In Football As Of 2018-21
Which player do you think has the funniest name in football?
Once in a while in life, you have to be content with your lot. I for one, am definitely happy with the name given to me, but some of these footballers unquestionably have justification to file a child abuse case. I assume it has given them a tad of fame if nothing else.
This is surely true in the world of funny football names.
This article was first published on February 26, 2018, just bringing it back to the audience.
CheapGoals compiled a list of the 15 funniest names in football.
It’s neither big nor clever to laugh at funny names but nevertheless remains stubbornly amusing. Take a look and see if one of these tickles your funny bone. Or, perhaps, one will motivate you to concoct your very own name.
Dutch and Ajax defender Daley Blind is nothing compared with his name as he has struggled hard to secure a starting line-up under Jose Mourinho. This is a direct result of his immeasurable foresight to defend against average opponents. is he technically blind?
The Premier League introduced drinks breaks in 2015, and the Internet couldn’t get enough of this exceptionally thirsty Chelsea player. Thinking of getting a fitness trainer? This midfielder always reminds us all to stay hydrated.
Whitehead is an English footballer who plays as a midfielder for Huddersfield Town. his surname ( Whitehead ) has made him more prevalent than his professional career. Next time, if your abilities don’t make you famous just change your name to an amusing one.
This Argentine goalkeeper prefers his first name Fabian, his name is very apt and to be fair, everyone has their own sexual preference, right?
Forget Jesus Christ, Bongo Christ is the new name on the block. The Congolese striker played for a host of clubs including Hannover 96 and SV Wilhelmshaven. When next you’re scared just say the name ‘Bongo’.
Răzvan Dincă Raț is a Romanian Rat, oh sorry, a footballer who plays for Spanish club Rayo Vallecano as a left-back. He doesn’t move like a rodent, nor have a keen sense of smell to sniff dirty kits, don’t know why he is called that.
Johnny Don’t be a dick! Well, this is extraordinarily amusing, John played more than 250 games for Arsenal during the mid-1900s.
In an extremely well-known article, a daily newspaper in London printed the headline saying “ARSENAL TO PLAY TOMORROW WITH DICKS OUT“.
As hilarious as it might sound, it went ahead to be a huge joke, which wasn’t forgotten for a long time!
As hilarious as it may be sound, it’s actually not funny not to have seen his actual picture. Not just a critical bit of historical significance, Norman Conquest was also an Australian goalkeeper who played in the late 1940s.
He would most likely be a name yearned for by few explorers in the present era and the first owner was posthumously inducted into Australia’s Hall of Fame. However, the goalkeeper did not attempt to invade England.
Mahatma Gandhi Pires
This Brazilian footballer is not something out of the ordinary in a country where the game is worshipped. So what’s the big deal about him? You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
Fourpence is a Zimbabwean player who plays for Kiglon Bird FC. He really does sound like a character from one of James Bond’s film: “The game is up Fourpence” (If you didn’t say that in Sean Connery’s voice then you are not my friend).
Unfortunately, he is better known for his funny name rather than his footballing abilities. Fourpence gets an extra bonus for being the best named among a team of staggering funny names.
Here are some of the funny names that featured in Fourpence’s team:
Cunning Muzuva, Raymond Undi, Blessing Makunike, Marvel Samaneka, Heavens Chinyama, Givemore Manuella, Gift Makolonio, Method Mwanyazi, Limited Chicafa, and Zambian Laughter Chilembe.
READ ALSO: Top 10 Ugliest Footballers As At 2016- 2017
Has there ever been a more menacing-sounding name than this defender from Argentina’s 1978 World Cup-winning side?
He played for the Njube Sundowns in Zimbabwe, excessively few parents would take the opportunity to get hyphens involved with their child’s name. Unless my pronunciation is off track, this must be the most tragic collaboration of names at any point concocted. No pictorial representation please Have-A-Look at the next one.
Relax, this player is not a character from the early 90’s American crime film ‘Goodfellas‘ but rather he is the former captain of the Seychelles national team. According to reports, he is considered a legend of the East Africa country and I believe it’s not a direct result of his name.
As far as anyone knows, Bandeet is an Algerian footballer in the 1970s, there is by all accounts thin confirmation of his existence but was certainly included in any case.
The two name choices are controversial and possibly that is the reason we are discussing them instead of discussing football abilities.
Buzzing around, and irritating opposition defenders… yep, I guess that’ll work. But whoever decided that this Brazilian Footballer should be known by such a name is both heartless and an absolute genius.
This post is not meant to hurt any sentiments