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Top 15 Funniest Names In Football As At 2018



Once in a while in life, you have to be content with your lot. I for one, am definitely happy with the name given to me, but some of these footballers unquestionably have justification to file a child abuse case. I assume it has given them a tad of fame if nothing else.

This is surely true in the world of funny football names. CheapGoals compiled a list of the 15 funny-named footballers, it’s neither big nor clever to laugh at funny names but nevertheless remains stubbornly amusing.

Take a look and see if one of these tickles your funny bone. Or, perhaps, one will motivate you to concoct your very own name.

Daley Blind

Dutch and Ajax defender Daley Blind is nothing compared with his name as he has struggled hard to a secure a starting line-up under Jose Mourinho. This is a direct result of his immeasurable foresight to defend against average opponents.  is he technically blind?

Danny Drinkwater

The Premier League introduced drinks breaks in 2015, and the Internet couldn’t get enough of this exceptionally thirsty Chelsea player. Thinking of getting a fitness trainer?  it’s this midfielder, he reminds us all to keep hydrated.

Dean Whitehead

Whitehead is an English footballer who plays as a midfielder for Huddersfield Town. his surname ( Whitehead ) has made him more prevalent than his professional career. Next time, if your abilities don’t make you famous just change your name to an amusing one.

READ ALSO: Top 10 Most Decorated Players In Football

Fabian Assman

This Argentine goalkeeper prefers his first name Fabian, his name is very apt and to be fair, everyone has their own sexual preference, right?

Bongo Christ

Forget Jesus Christ, Bongo Christ is the new name on the block. The Congolese striker played for a host of clubs including Hannover 96 and SV Wilhelmshaven. When next you’re scared just say the name ‘Bongo’.


Răzvan Dincă Raț is a Romanian Rat, oh sorry, footballer who plays for Spanish club Rayo Vallecano as a left back. He doesn’t move like a rodent, nor have a keen sense of smell to sniff dirty kits, don’t know why he is called that.

John Dick

Johnny Don’t be a dick! Well, this is extraordinarily amusing, John played more than 250 games for Arsenal during the mid-1900s. In an extremely well-known article, a daily newspaper in London printed the headline saying “ARSENAL TO PLAY TOMORROW WITH DICKS OUT“. As hilarious as it might sound, it went ahead to be a huge joke, which wasn’t forgotten for a long time!

Norman Conquest

As hilarious as it may be sound, its actually not funny not to have seen his actual picture. Not just a critical bit of historical significance, Norman Conquest was also an Australian goalkeeper who played in the late 1940s. He would most likely be a name yearned for by few explorers in the present era and the first owner was posthumously inducted into Australia’s Hall of Fame. However, the goalkeeper did not attempt to invade England.

Mahatma Gandhi Pires

This Brazilian footballer is not something out of the ordinary in a country where the game is worshipped. So what’s the big deal about him? You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Danger Fourpence

Fourpence is a Zimbabwean player who plays for Kiglon Bird FC. He really does sound like a character from one of James Bond film: “The game is up Fourpence” (If you didn’t say that in Sean Connery’s voice then you are not my friend, Unfortunately, he is better known for his funny name rather than his footballing abilities. Fourpence gets an extra bonus for being the best named among a team of staggering funny names.

Here are some of the funny names that featured in Fourpence’s team:

Cunning Muzuva, Raymond Undi, Blessing Makunike, Marvel Samaneka, Heavens Chinyama, Givemore Manuella, Gift Makolonio, Method Mwanyazi, Limited Chicafa and Zambian Laughter Chilembe.

READ ALSO: Top 10 Ugliest Footballers As At 2016- 2017

Daniel Killer

Has there ever been a more menacing-sounding name than this defender from Argentina’s 1978 World Cup winning side?




He played for the Njube Sundowns in Zimbabwe, excessively few parents would take the opportunity to get hyphens involved with their child’s name. Unless my pronunciation is off track, this must be the most tragic collaboration of names at any point concocted. No pictorial representation please Have-A-Look at the next one.

Johnny Mustache

Relax, this player is not a character from the early 90’s American crime film ‘Goodfellas‘ but rather he is the former captain of the Seychelles national team. According to reports, he is considered as a legend of the East Africa country and I believe it’s not a direct result of his name.

Ars Bandeet

As far as anyone knows, Bandeet is an Algerian footballer in the 1970s, there is by all accounts thin confirmation of his existence but was certainly included in any case. The two name choices are controversial and possibly that is the reason we are discussing them instead of discussing football abilities.


Buzzing around, and irritating opposition defenders… yep, I guess that’ll work. But whoever decided that this Brazilian Footballer should be known by such name is both heartless and an absolute genius.


This post is not meant to hurt any sentiments and was just intended for fun




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Muyiwa is an ardent follower of everything football. Fascinated by the beauty of the game, he takes pleasure in penning down his opinion about a sport that has more lovers than haters. PS: He loves Barcelona for making football look easier than it actually is.

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